Yahoo!!! Its OVAH

Not being a scrooge or anything, but hell to the yeah, the rush around, need to wrap a quick gift, oh shit I forgot to get a gift card season is done.

And we pulled it off. Actuallly, my family and friends SO rallied around making sure M2 had a rockin Christmas, it was one of our best ever.

Remember a long time ago when I said I have the equivalent of a drug problem for a certain perfume?? GOT IT! I so got it, and every time I walk by the bottle I pick it up and say 'hello, lover'. Boys beware, I am now armed with French Spanish Fly. No kidding, it is friggin intoxicating.

Hope you got all your goodies and are petting them and loving them accordingly.

These are funny, to end the year with, because Texas is like living on a separate planet. And the holidays really bring it out as in outlandish overthe top indulgence, all the way to trailer park tacky. There is a lid for every pot around here.

You May Live in Texas...
If someone in Walmart offers you assistance and they don't even work there

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time
If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number
If 'Vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend

If you measure distance in hours
If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked
If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them
If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph --you're going 80 and everybody's passing you (ed. note -they may be passing you on the shoulder)
If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly

Here's to an awesome, money making, smooth sailing 2010!

LYPutUpTheFakeSnowGuts,

Bj

Dont' Google Ugly Christmas Sweaters

First of all, I do not know these people. And I'm thinking I don't want to, although I'm sure they are lovely. The aging Chihuahua in her lap is the perfect accessory, don't cha think?

Moving on; Hey people, Christmas is right up road!! Although my house looks like Christmas threw up in it and then someone took a leaf blower and ran through every room, I'm ok with it. M2 likes the tree and the Mantel of Too Much Shit , so hey, we're making memories.

And I have beautifully regifted some things to grab at the last minute so I have something in my hand when I stop by here and there this week. If you get something back or you vaguely recognize that frozen fruitcake, remember your manners please, and no eyebrow raising. You know I can spot a WTF look from a block away.

Working Girl (oh hell yes) has not received that first thing they call a paycheck. I think I remember how it feels, but I may have to rub it all over my body to really remember the joy they use to bring me.

The Sled Team needs some attention too. Owen needs a Pedi because he is doing the Kamodo Dragon thing with this nails. Abner needs a complete makeover, but he also has to have a muzzle if 'that stranger' is going to touch him, and he looks like Hannibel Lechter the whole time they are clipping him. We may go out for that Day of Beauty tomorrow.

Bella needs the dog version of a frontal lobotomy. Or not. I kind of like her 'huh?' response to everything except food. She'll take a finger off while flying through the air to grab that piece of cheese that was intended for a sandwich of human consumption. She has no boundaries.

As for the 'rest of my Christmas shopping' the rest will be my first, and it will happen Weds/Thursday ish (see note above about first paycheck) I'm either going to find really good sales, or all the Snuggies I plan to purchase will only be left in Camo print. Kind of like the year M2 got a Hot Wheels Scooter instead of a Barbie Scooter. A puzzled three year old is easy to sort out though, I just told her that Santa must have thought she was too bad ass for that Barbie pink girlie scooter.

If I could fly around like Santa and visit all of you, I would. I would have a glass or seven of wine with Lorrie and Kip somewhere tall in NYC, take a picture of me, Le, and a Kangaroo, in Whoop Whoop,

probably just Ring N Run at Kregs cause I'd be scared he would open the door, have all the Smartini girls make us all their favorite beverages, sleep over cause I drank too much, swing by Sheila's and act like I want to borrow some Marmite (for spackle), show up at Thystles like I am the police, then head to the bowling alley with her, and on and on and on.

I love this little world over here, good place to escape, run all over the world at the end of my fingers, and know if I really did show up, you would let me in. And that is the BEST PRESENT EVAH.

Along with that paycheck :)

LYEggnogDrinkingGuts,

Bj

To My Secret Santas

Thank you for the packages on my porch and the money for Morgan's Christmas presents. I have no idea who you are, but I know you are part of my amazing circle of family and friends.

I love all you guys, more than you know.

I'm gonna pay it forward very soon.

LYG

Bj

EMPLOYED.

Oh hell to the yes, somebody FINALLY gave me a



J-O-B.







And I am doing the HAPPY DANCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Thanks for hanging in there with me through my Bitching, Crying, Swearing, Drinking, Summer of Unemployment. Its been a hell of a roller coater ride, but I can see the train pulling in the station so I can get off this 5 month , 29 days, 3 1/2 hour event.


Good luck to the people that are just getting on, feel free to leave your comments over here anytime cause I heart you and know what it feels like. You can bitch, swear, whatever you need cause things will turn around for you too.



LYPutMeOnThePayrollGuts,

Bj

I Have A Charlie.

I have become addicted to The Pioneer Woman, who, unless you live in a cave, is rocking the blog world. She is funny, humble, a great cook, lives on a ranch with Marlboro Man, and home schools her four 'punks' as she calls them. I live part time vicariously through her.

And she has Charlie, the Basset Hound. Who I'm guessing is as complicated as my Owen, third in The Sled Team. So this post is hard to write but I am facing the possibility of having to find Owen a new home.

We just had another vicious dog fight, between Owen and the Scottie Abner, who is injured from the fight and I just can't handle the drama that this adds to my life.

And, oh, I love this dog. I thought it would be toughest on M2 to have to let him go but its gonna be me. But Abner is my original dog, and he does not complicate my life like Owen does. Owen is demanding, adorable, loud, silly, emotional, funny, and the list goes on and on.

What I am hoping is a Basset Hound lover, that maybe comes over here from there (I'm going to try to link this post over there somewhere)

will write and tell me they have been looking for a 2 year old male Basset, who they would love and brush and give lots of treats to because I just can't think of anyone but the best family taking him.

Help me out by forwarding this if you can; as you can tell, we live in Dallas, but I would drive him to a good home, pretty much anywhere.

LYG

Bj

Set Me Free, Why Don't Cha Babe

Ok, so I wake up at 5 am and sort out my latest weird dream. I had thought that when Super D and I were chased by two gorillas last week, and we had to barricade the door with furniture to keep them out, that was going to do me for a while in the what the hell was that category.

Oh no.

Last nights Dream Theatre starred Diana Ross. And there she was, or should I say HAIR she was, with hair the size of Rhode Island, pearls, dressed in white and floating around the room. So I'm listening to the conversation going on, and she said 'do you know I am the second richest woman in the world, just behind Oprah?' and everyone oooohed and aaaahed and I thought 'do you know how broke I am right now?' but just smiled and secretly thought how I had never bought any of her music, nor was it on my IPOD. I mean, she's ok, but I don't have a thing for Elvis either, so if they are your faves, sorry, but I'm a Rolling Stones kind of girl.

ANyway, M2 appears and walks up to me and says 'do you mind if I go live with Diana Ross for a while?' and then I woke up. And I laid there.

And I went to my mental ditch, as I've named it, at 5 am, and thought about Christmas coming and presents and unemployment and fa la

la f-in la. Now I'm really not liking Diana Ross, for rubbing it in AND stealing my kid.

So a few hours later, I talk to a close friend and tell her I am going to make a phone call to someone, really suck it up, and ask that person if he would possibly be the donor of a Wii to M2 for Christmas. Yes, that is all she wants. I know, we are two years behind the entire population, but no we don't have one. But M2 said 'maybe I could ask for gift cards and put them together and buy one' and by God, I thought, I'll move mountains, sell a kidney, whatever it takes to get one for you for Christmas. (Can I get an Amen from all the Mothers who know when the Mama Bear comes out, and you must take care of the cubs?). And my cub is good, and humbled by our situation, and caring, and doesn't ask for much. Believe me, I am around kids her age that think it is there RIGHT to have all the latest material things, and I am thankful for mine who doesn't ask for much at all.

But my friend says "I got the Wii covered". And I am horrified that the conversation went THERE instead of her just backing me up on the phone call I was going to make. We talked a long time, she wouldn't take no for an answer, and as I write this it is already waiting for me at a store to pick up.

Can you believe it?

Suck it Diana Ross. I have friends that, although they are not dressed in white, and float around the room, they are Angels to me. And THAT is MY Christmas present, to have them in my life.

LYHolidazeGuts,

Bj

First I went here, then I went there....

doing a little blog hopping to see whats new and funny out there, I went back to The Blogess and from her site went over to The Onion. This was a news story posted over there.

American Muslims To Fort Hood Shooter: 'Thanks A Lot, Asshole'
November 12, 2009
FORT HOOD, TX—Following Army psychologist Nidal Malik Hasan's shooting rampage on the Fort Hood military base last week that left 13 people dead and 30 others injured, fellow Muslims across the nation sent him a message today, saying "thanks a fucking bunch, asshole," to the 39-year-old killer. "Hey, great, eight years of progress right down the shitter," St. Cloud, MN resident Zahida Naseem said at one of dozens of impromptu rallies held nationwide. "And you just had to scream 'Allahu Akbar' while you did it, didn't you? May as well have put on a turban and rode a fucking camel right through the army base, you dick. Thanks for making the foreseeable future a living hell for normal, peace-loving Muslims in this country. Really appreciate it!" American Sikhs are also reportedly enraged with Hasan, and an official statement from the National Sikh Heritage Center read, in part, "look, we got nothing to do with that guy."

that pretty much probably sums it up how most of the American Muslim population feels. Well and the non Muslims too, just another weird tragic thing in our world.....

On a different note, can someone help a sista out? I forgot how to do the strike out word thing that LV taught me, and also, how do you highlight other blogs that you are writing about?

Or please send me the manual Blogging for Dummies. Because I'm busy hoarding Eggo Waffles.

LYFridayGuts,

Bj